I was going down on a girl the other day and tasted horse semen.
“Oh you kinky slut”, I thought to myself,
“so that’s how you died, Grandma.”
A woman goes to the doctor, and says “Doc, I haven’t been able to be satisfied ever since my husband is too tired for any foreplay. Is there anything that can be done?”
The doctor pulls out a jar filled with tiny naked green guys and dumps them on the desk. The doc says “we can try these little green fucker men. They will fuck anything you tell them to, like this: ‘little green fucker men the coffee mug.” They immediately start humping the coffee mug. He gathers them up and puts them back in the jar. She thanks the doc and heads home to try them out. She lays on the bed naked, dumps the little men on her lap and says “little green fucker men me.” They immediately start making passionate love to her. She hears the door slam, so she quickly gathers them into the jar and puts it under her pillow, ready to make steamy love to her husband. He stomps in and says “I knew it. It smells like sex in here; you’re cheating on me. Where is he?” and immediately throws open the closet door. The lady says, “oh honey, no it’s not like that. I just went to the doctor and got these little green fucker men to get me ready to have sex with you!”
The guy slams the closet door and says “‘LITTLE GREEN FUCKER MEN’ MY ASS”
A rich man and a poor man are out shopping for a Christmas gift for their wives.
The Poor man says to the Rich man, “What’d you get your wife this year?”
He says, “A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring.”
The Poor man says, “Why’d you get her both?”
The Rich man says, “If she doesn’t like the ring, she can take it back to store in her new car, come home and still be happy.”
The Poor man says, “O.K. That works.”
The Rich man says, “Well what did you get your wife?”
The Poor man says, “A pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The Rich man says, “Why’d you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?”
The Poor man says, “If she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!”